Boarding School Survivors Therapy meets the growing demand for help from ex-boarders who are suffering, consciously and unconsciously, from their experience of boarding school. For many the experience of boarding school is complex. Significantly it happens in our young formative years when we are particularly vulnerable so finding the right professional help can be invaluable.
Specialist boarding school therapy can help you make sense of those confusing or difficult feelings that were unable to be processed at the time. And through an attentive, professional space and relationship it can support your enquiry into your boarding experience to bring about healing and movement forward in your life.
At boarding school
The initial shock of being sent away is a trauma and the ongoing chronic severance from parents or primary caregivers can create a numbness and expectation of abandonment. Additionally the child has to manage a shift from a familiar home that adapts continually to the child's needs, to a large institution to which the child has to adapt.
The weekly or monthly separation can cause understandable anxiety with the initial homesickness. And this anxiety becomes a part of the child's inner life and simultaneously they are unable to voice feelings because everyone else seems okay, so it must just be them. Also they may not want to upset the parents who may be spending alot of money for their privileged schooling.
The child can be unprotected from physical (bullying), psychological and possible sexual abuse from peers and adults. As a result they may learn to hide their vulnerability and build a competent facade that they feel will be acceptable to others but limiting to themselves.
Difficulty in relationships
Children can survive and get used to being in the boarding school environment during the formative years of their lives - as they go through puberty and grow into young adults. They may learn to defend themselves effectively from others and their feelings. It can work well in their privileged environment for some.
For many ex-boarders however, later in life there is can be a heavy cost for these learnt strategies, particularly on their relationships. At school their experience of intimacy may have been complex and confusing, perhaps because people they loved sent them away. When faced with an emotionally available partner it can be difficult for the ex-boarder to relax, trust and share intimately. They may expect the same abandonment that became part of the norm growing up.
Their learned method of survival from school can still be managing their emotional lives and creating walls between them and their loved ones. Or they may find themselves alone and lacking meaningful friendships. Or both.
Boarding School Survivors therapy can help to heal our relationships with others and with our feelings.
Boarding School Syndrome Symptoms
- addictions and destructive behaviours
- low self-esteem
- despair and anxiety
- fear of intimacy
- obsessive behaviour
- excessive criticism
- catastrophisation
- shame and guilt
- anger issues
- workaholism
- sexual issues
- insomnia
- fear of groups
The Opportunity of Therapy
Boarding School Survivors Therapy addresses these symptoms and aims to restore the sense of your true self. Just recognising the effects of what is was like at boarding school and turning for help is a great step. Safely exploring feelings that may have been guarded against for a long time can enable the ex-boarder to recover and heal their relationships with themselves and others.
I am one of a group of accredited psychotherapists and counsellors who have undertaken specialised training in working with adult ex-boarders with Nick Duffell, author of "The Making of Them."
Reflections of a Survivor Article by Thurstine Bassett:
Please see for further information:
For specialist boarding school survivor therapists in your area:
For Boarding School Survivor workshops:
All enquiries are treated in the strictest confidence
Counselling & Psychotherapy in Bethnal Green & Hackney, London, E2.
